Meeting with friends

Today I came with possible explanation for my lack of social interactions with friends. Firstly I think that I am very social I mean that I can’t be alone for long time I have to talk with someone about anything. So you might think that I enjoy meeting with friends whom I haven’t seen long time? Yes and no. Yes I would lovely to talk about what happened for her or him, no because I couldn’t talk about myself freely… I would need to present my male side where I have talk without enjoyment. It is because keeping a friendship with someone who really doesn’t know you is very tiresome. This is main reason why I mostly don’t have motivation to call or meet someone. With one girl I have open friendship she know about my feelings and is supportive that why I always want to meet with her and chat about all girly stuff and my findings in searching my inner girl.

With this explanation I need to answer to question will I have more healthy friendship when I present myself as female? Only way to know is to take action like coming out to more friends. This what I will try to do from now.

A desire for attention

In my recent days one thing started me to worry. It is my wanting or even I should say desire to get attention. I mean social attention from woman or I think more about man. And one conflict arise for me is that I don't consider myself as a lonely person I have few friends and constantly meeting with them, but there is some empty space in me I still feel lack of attention and I don't know how to fill that space. So I know that woman loves attention and that man's worse mistake is to let feel her woman lack of attention, but for some reason I also like attention and more someone gives it more I am close with them. In my relationship with girls I see now that if trying to give attention to my girlfriend later I am starting to feel miserable. I begin to think that she doesn't gives me a kind of attention that I am worth. Of course such situation later starts to damage friendship.

So what this all about? Am I narcissistic person? Or it is my inner girl's person driven flow behind my male persona? I may be a little narcissistic but it is considered even healthy according to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism. I really enjoying helping others whenever it is within my abilities range or moreover I never considered myself as really narcissistic person. So it leaves us with second option that this thing is driven by inner girl persona...

If I am right it is a clear sign of my inner girl and that I am transgendered person. And that I need to more and more accept it otherwise I won't find my place in my life.

Ohh and about my introduction part 3 I still not ended it for some unknown reasons I stuck with it but it will be published anyway so don't worry ;)